Since now I can comfortably look back and brood over the journey so far, let me reveal some amazing gems I have met, wasted time on, and in some cases money too. The impetus for this post came from a discussion I had a couple of days back that probably I could write a book on some of these wacky people (atleast they seemed wacky to me) and it just might be a best seller. I still can't describe all, but I think two of them take the cake hands down.
Girl 1:This one has been a huge source of entertainment to me, my family, my friends, my office and everyone I have met over a dinner table. Lets call her "Gadadhari Bheem" similar to the one in Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron, one who wakes up suddenly, delivers his dialogues and goes to sleep again.
Her family was into full time interviewing business, her brother interviewed me 3 times over a span of 3 months. In other words, one interview per month and then no response. Then suddenly a call 30 days later, "So we had spoken the last time...". Ahem dude, isnt the follow up call really quick? I mean, if you want to evaluate 20 other guys during the 1 month then dont do all round 1 together. Stagger it so that I get a feeling you care about me. So well, the girl finally speaks to me, maybe twice and then comes up with the mother of models. I mean a spreadsheet model.
She apparently thought the process of arranged marriage is fuzzy and she wanted a method to the madness. So up comes a 64 row item sheet on compatibility match. Much like that geek compatibility match groom in Namastey London. I resisted but she insisted that I fill up and then she would fill up and then we will get on a call to discuss. Wonder if this was like a project scoping excercise. After 4 reminders, I filled it, she filled as well and then said "We need to discuss". Groan.
I expected the discussion to go on things more substantial (and if you take a look at the spreadsheet and the line items, you will know what I mean) but she had other plans.
She: "You know, you like reading but I don't."
Me: "So don't read, you are not joining a university"
She: "But we dont match here. I feel it will be a significant issue going forward"
Me: "This will be an
issue??"
She: "You like impactful and meaningful comedy movies. I like bollywood movies"
Me: "So?"
She: "This might be an issue. Cos I like bollywood and would like to watch only that"
Me: "Umm, you know what - lets just digest this sheet for some more time and then get back"
Click.
We never spoke again.
I have attached the sanitized spreadsheet
here for you all to take a look. It has been widely circulated amongst most people and who knows, it is currently a popular fwd as well.
Girl 2:Lesser said the better. If you have seen Farhan Akhtar's "Luck By Chance" then this is Isha Sharvani minus the looks.
She: "You know, I love my dawgiieeeeeeeeee" (That stupid voice all girls speak in when they like to go kid like and a guy invariably ups his manly voice to show he is more mature)
Me: "Oh what breed"
She: "No, it is a stuffed toy. I always have him on my bed and every morning I kiss it"
Me: That stupid smile which wants to laugh, cry and run at the same time.
She: "Do you like toys?"
Me: "Umm depends...what "toys" are we speaking about?"
[Maybe she has a wild side]
She: "I have a lot of teddy bears in my room. I really love teddy bears"
Me: Are you still sleeping in your pram?
Thankfully this never worked out, I did not want to buy bears all my life, for her, then kids, then kids kids. Or maybe she would have made me a Teddy Bear Tychoon. TBT. To Be Terminated.
Of course, as usual you never get to hear their side of the story and to some extent this might be biased reporting, but mera blog to main mahaan!!